My Sister once told my Dad the reason why she was uncomfortable with people reading her journals: “My journals represent who I was and how I thought at a specific moment in time. I may have changed since then” For me, I consider my writings about grief, loss, and adventure as “guarded vulnerability”. My words…Read More
March came barreling down on me,As if unannounced.As if my brain decided that this year,And maybe every year,March would simply no longer exist. Because,How could it?How could it be almost a year?How could I survive this year?How did I survive this year,Without you? The answer:A piece of me didn’t.A piece of me will be forever…Read More
There are hundreds of moments spent evaluating risk in the outdoors: bears, cougars, rising tides, slippery ladders, kelp-covered rocks, hand-pulled cable cars, strangers, nights alone, inclement weather. As a soloist, there are no second opinions. Your choices are yours, alone, to own. But to me, the most jarring solo-moment occurred while I was spending an…Read More
“Maddie you and I should get matching tattoos,” Rachel said. “Mmmmm no thank you,” I responded. Tattoos weren’t my thing. “We could get yin-and-yang. One side of it on each of us—because we are entirely opposites in every way, yet together, we are so well-matched, both so necessary. Together we are beautifully full,” she explained.…Read More
Before you read onward, I know what you’re thinking. Maybe you’ve already decided to stop reading, overwhelmed by the shock of my confession. Maybe you are curious because you had not considered where a loved one’s possessions would go, after death. Or maybe, you have your own stowaway of items, once cherished by your loved…Read More
It’s as bad as it can be. It’s Over. It’s Over. My Dad’s tear-filled words shook me to my core. Between shallow breaths of traumatic, shocking despair, I let out a string of dilapidated I-can’t-do-this’s. With his words, our life imploded, crashing down in horrific slow motion. In a single moment the world became grey.…Read More
The sun does not shine so that the world will see it;Rachel Millsip
I want to be like the sun.
As I flew through the descent, it came: a moment of pause; a moment of appreciation. I thought, “she would be so proud of me.” And it wasn’t in a you’re-face-to-face-engulfed-by-grief-so-anything-you-manage-to-scrounge-up-the-courage-to-do-you-should-be-proud-of, kind-of-way. If she were here, she would beam with pride because I put myself out there, in the position to fall, to stumble, to…Read More
Preparing for our first trek after my sister’s death, I was under the romanticized impression that whisking myself into the Sunshine Coast’s mountainous solitude would resolve my grief. I was naively embarking on the search for a single ‘moment’ where I would begin to accept our harrowing story. Maybe what I found, instead, was that…Read More
You are important,
the world whispered to everyone.
and for once,
everyone heard it.
because we are here.
we are important.Rachel Millsip