GRIEF AND LOSS
Surviving The Loss of Sisterhood
GRIEF AND LOSS
(Sometimes)- Our Matching Tattoos
GRIEF AND LOSS
I Wear My Dead Sister's Clothes
GRIEF AND LOSS
My Cherry
Blossom
From My Grieving Heart
Reflections on Loss
“It’s as bad as it can be. It’s Over. It’s Over.” My Dad’s tear-filled words shook me to my core. Between shallow breaths of traumatic, shocking despair, I let out a string of dilapidated I-can’t-do-this’s. With his words, our life imploded, crashing down in horrific slow motion. [...]
THE 11 WORDS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
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FOR THE GRIEVING HEART: my always-growing library of reflections about learning how to live, after loss
In March 2019, my 21-year-old sister, Rachel, died by suicide after her courageous, hard-fought battle learning to live with Bipolar Type I. Nearly two years later, I am now learning to live within my new reality and am beginning to dabble my toes into the ‘making meaning’ phase of my grief journey. In this, Rachel has taught me that when we leave, all that remains is our finite collection of stories. The stories that will make our loved ones full-stomach-laugh and wailing-cry. The ones they will cherish and desperately hold on to.
So here they are below: mine and my sister's stories of life, love, and loss.
GRIEF AND LOSS
Dear
Autumn
GRIEF AND LOSS
Behind
The Scenes
GRIEF AND LOSS
"What Are You Thankful For?"
GRIEF AND LOSS
Little
Women
GRIEF AND LOSS
Our Last Day Together
GRIEF AND LOSS
Scrabble On The Psychiatric Ward
GRIEF AND LOSS
What's Harder? Death or Birth Day
GRIEF AND LOSS
Rebuilding Trust With The World
GRIEF AND LOSS
Christmas
Eve
GRIEF AND LOSS
Maddie, I Wish I Could Run Like You
GRIEF AND LOSS
All We Can
Do Is Try
GRIEF AND LOSS
What To Say To Someone Grieving
And if podcasts are your thing...
I consider my writings about grief, loss, and adventure as “guarded vulnerability”
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My words are carefully constructed after hours upon hours of thoughtful contemplation. And, they are drafted in reversible ink. Once they are released, I can edit them. And I do. I obsess over what I’ve written, carefully tweaking language, words, phrases, and nuances until it perfectly articulates my feelings. So, when asked to speak on the topic of Surviving The Loss of Sisterhood, I was terrified. These words would be irreversible ink.
So, here it is. raw. uncut. unfiltered. unedited. unabridged. It is my thoughts and beliefs at a moment in time. It is a story of immense, unparalleled loss, a story that sheds light on unfathomable circumstances. But equally as important, it is a story of finding a way to sit with darkness, Until the light starts shining through.
LISTEN TO MY STORY
It would tell the story of her survival, the story that would keep herself—and one day, others—alive. When she died, she left behind 15 journals from her 5-year battle with mental illness. These poetry-, observation-, and insight-filled journals contain a depth of candid creativity that makes you pause. We now pour ourselves over these journals, continuing to learn intricate details about my sister long after her body has been laid to rest.
They include the battle scars. The heartbreaks. The horrors. But most importantly, the abundance. The vibrancy. The love. And the hope that she felt more wholeheartedly than the majority of us could even begin to conceptualize. Rachel’s journals give the impression that there are enough of her words to fill our lifetime. But I understand that this is only blissful, protect-myself-now-deal-with-it-later ignorance.
So I read them. Consume them. Lose myself in them. Soaking in their wisdom. Pretending that each page is a gift she left, to me, to our family, to us all. Imagining that each page is signed, in her cursive:
My Sister’s deepest desire was to publish a book of poetry
Love From, Rachel
Rachel Millsip grew up writing. She hid in bathrooms scrawling musical theatre scripts, sang original songs to herself over long car rides, and wrote poetic inspirational speeches to her friends over Facebook messenger. She had two plays put up at her high school and got an A+ on her very first creative writing portfolio in university.
She was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 in 2014, her 12th grade year. Rachel had a psychotic episode that was followed by a five month-long depression. She resolved to continue on, completing high school and even starting her university degree, to study English.
But she was brought home by another episode. In the span of time from 17 to 21 years of age she has had 5 stays in psychiatric hospitals, all due to three terrifying psychotic episodes.
She builds a life for herself that gets torched at the arrival of her illness. But each time she falls down, she becomes determined to rebuild again… to have light within the craziness.
This is her story.
I, Rachel Millsip, want to touch peoples’ lives.
I am the right person to tell this story because I have a unique, lived experience that through resiliency and perseverance I have fought to tell the story of.
I, Rachel Millsip, am always an open book about my story, despite stigma, because I believe That our weaknesses And our vulnerabilities Are what can connect us the most.
And in doing so, they become our greatest assets.
The moral of our own personal stories.
It is only fitting to let my Sister introduce herself in her own words. So here it is, the biography she wrote.
The one that, when her readers plucked her book off the shelf, would be found on the inside, nestled between the front cover and the words that told her story of how she survived.
Read Rachel's Words
Love From, rachel
Two Belugas,
Two Blue Guys
LOVE FROM, RACHEL
I am not a sculpture,
I am a garden
Love From, rachel
My Third Psychotic Episode
A COLLECTION OF RACHEL'S OBSERVATIONS, REFLECTIONS, AND POETRY ABOUT LIFE and love
COMING SOON
a gift from her to you
Love From, Rachel
Affirmations, observations, and love notes from my sister, herself. Take one, take them all. Keep them close to your heart, to read and re-read on those days when you forget how beautiful you are.
Let's adventure, together!
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A collection of raw, gritty, honest stories of my adventures through life, love, and loss.
Adventures, Unabridged.
All the adventure-inspiration you could need, right to your inbox! Whether you're in the off-season or out bagging peaks, this periodic note from me-to-you will keep your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground!