Maddie, I wish I could run like you.

She said it in January.
In her second-to-last low
When she was searching for
A reason. A purpose.
A breath of fresh air.

All the things,
Running
From the outside-looking-in
Seemed to always be,
For me.

But I didn’t tell her
That some days
I cut my run short

I didn’t tell her
That some days
I’m miserable.
Cold. Wet. Tired.
Hungry. Unsettled.

That some days
I don’t want to be out there.

That some days are spent
Bargaining with my mind,
Convincing myself
To get onto the trail

And once I’m there,
Only to find myself,
Wondering why
I’m even out there
at all.

“Maddie, I wish I could run like you.”

Rachel, I wish that
when you said those words,
that instead of staying quiet,
I brought you with me.

Because I have a feeling,
That even on the most miserable days
You, and me, we’d have been
exactly what the other needed.

---

Continue Reading My Collection of Grief Reflections:

1. Surviving The Loss of Sisterhood
2. (SOMETIMES) | Our Matching Tattoos
3. I Wear My Dead Sister’s Clothes
4. My Cherry Blossom
5. Dear Autumn
6. Behind The Scenes
7. What Are You Thankful For
8. Little Women
9. Our Last Day Together
10. Scrabble On The Psychiatric Ward
11. What’s Harder? Death Days Or Birth Days?
12. Rebuilding Trust With The World
13. Christmas Eve
14. Maddie, I Wish I Could Run Like You
15. All We Can Do Is Try
16. What To Say To Someone Who Is Grieving

Read my Sister’s observations, reflections, and poetry:

1. Two Belugas, Two Blue Guys
2. I am not a sculpture, I am a garden